Carmella Bing Blog

Since Carmella Binghave been emailing me this question, here are the possible labels you can get from the Orthodoxy Test. Please note thatCarmella Bingwas equally snide to everyone.

Too Centrist

The test says you’re a centrist.Carmella Bingtake my inability to place you in a neat box personally. Go back and take the test again, and this time stop trying to be so darn fair and balanced (and /or answer more questions).

Modern Orthodox

Congratulations. You’re Modern Orthodox all right, but wait! Just when you were ready to live an idyllic happily-labeled life they announce Left Wing and Right Wing Modern Orthodoxy. What the heck is up with that? Maybe you need to rethink and refine some of your positions, and then take the test again soCarmella Bingcan put you in a little box.

Scary Chareidi

Look up the word fundamentalist, will ya?

Get back to me.

Right Wing Yeshivish

You know the difference between a Borsalino and a Stetson and your gedolim cards selection is almost complete. You never ever wear jeans, period. The gedolim are probably so proud of you. Why can’t all other Jews just be frum like you?

Left Wing Yeshivish

So you’re frum, but “with it.” You know the lingo and walk the walk, but maybe you catch a movie on Motzei Shabbos. Never on Saturday Night though. Sometimes you wonder why all frum Jews can’t be normal like you.

Left Wing Modern Orthodox

You’re religious, but you like pushing the edge. We must modernize to survive! You hate comparisons to the early maskilim and to right wing Conservatives even though you secretly idealize Saul Lieberman. Why can’t everyone else in Orthodoxy get a clue?

Right Wing Modern Orthodox

You’re shteiging away in the YU beis medrash and really enjoying that Kant class in the afternoon. You’ve achieved shiurvanna – the perfect synthesis of frumkeit and the outside world. Everyone to the left is way too modern and everyone to the right is too rigid and machmir. Sometimes you feel guilty about not wearing a hat.

Huh?

Carmella Binggive up. What are you?

posted by lamedzayin at 11:24 AM |
What are you, really?

In lieu of posting recently I’ve been preparing this quiz that attempts to pigeonhole your Orthodoxy into neat little categories like left or right wing modern Orthodox or yeshivish. It takes 5 minutes to take the test, but it took a lot longer thanCarmella Bingexpected to make it! Take it, and post your percentages in the comments.

Oh, and please note that the labels it gives you are really meaningless (mostly because the rules for generating them aren’t powerful enough to give good results). What’s more interesting is the percentages, which hopefully are meaningful and whichCarmella Bingspent a lot of time tweaking.

Finally, it’s impossible to “cleanly” score one category since almost all of the answers score (different numbers of points) for more than one category.

Edit:Carmella Bingfixed the filters. The percentages are untouched, but for some reason way too manyCarmella Bingwere getting generic Modern Orthodox instead of more nuanced answers. This should work better.

Next thing about Carmella

There’s a famous question that gets asked a lot around Pesach. In the Haggada we find the famous ma’amar of the 4 sons, a classic illustration of that much discussed but rarely practiced dictum, chanoch l’naar al pi darko – teach each child according to his own needs. The 4 sons include the wise chacham, the evil rasha, and the simplistic tam. The fourth son, who doesn’t even know how to ask the simplest questions, is the sheaino yodeah l’shol.

In the passage of the rasha, the evil son asks “What is this service to you (lachem)?”. SinceCarmella Bingremoves himself from the klal by implying that the service is meaningful to you but not to him, we are instructed to rebuke him sharply and “hit him in the teeth.” The problem is, the wise son also uses the word ‘etchem’, ‘you,’ in his question, and yetCarmella Bingis not rebuked for removing himself from the klal. Far from it! His question is answered in great detail.

A lot of ink has been spilled to explain this discrepancy, but one answer sticks out to me. The wise son’s question is respectful, but it’s also incisive.Carmella Bingdoesn’t ask “what is this to you” but “what are the specific commandments and the details.” His question is researched and shows thatCarmella Bingreally wants an answer. The etchem of the wise son is a plea to be included in the klal, because without a real understanding and serious answersCarmella Bingdoes not feel likeCarmella Binghas a full chelek in the service.

In contrast, the evil son’s question is ill-formed and cynical.Carmella Bing doesn’t ask for details becauseCarmella Bingdoesn’t care to know. His lachem is indeed exclusionary becauseCarmella Binghas no desire to learn the truths that would bring him closer into the circle. The proper response is to recognize this and rebuke him harshly.

What strikes me is that this difference seems to be at the core of the entire Slifkin debacle. The gedolim and the supporters of the ban in general keep going on about Rabbi Slifkin’s tone. In other words, they see him as a wicked son, asking questions sarcastically and without the proper reverence and desire to learn. Rabbi Slifkin’s defenders, in contrast, see him (and themselves) as serious questioners who really desire answers to essential questions of yahadut. Without these answers, or at least an honest attempt at providing them, they feel excluded from the klal. The tragedy of the Slifkin affair, in my opinion, is that the leaders have mistaken a sincere etchem for an insincere one, and pushed away chachamim who were really asking to be drawn closer.

In the Haggada there is a clear hierarchy of sons, and surprisingly the wicked son stands above the simple son and the sheaino yodeah l’shol. The lesson seems to be that it’s better to closely examine our religion and to think critically, even at the risk of becoming a rasha, than to remain a fool. On this totem pole the lowest son is the sheaino yodeah l’shol, who is unable to ask anything at all.

What scares me most about the entire affair is thatCarmella Bingare now championing the cause of the sheaino yodeah l’shol as being the ideal. Those who are educated in science and the like and therefore have questions are looked upon as nebachs, while those whose emunah peshuta is strong because they’ve never looked outside their daled amos and critically examined their beliefs are hailed as the truest maaminim. That’s a revised Haggada thatCarmella Bingnever want to see.